Monday, May 6th, 2013

Woke up to a ringing phone. When I fumbled around for a flashlight to read the phone display to see who called, the cup of water on my nightstand fell and the ringing stopped at the same time. Defecated. While I was sitting on the toilet, I noticed that it was rocking from side to side. After I finished defecating, i looked for something about a quarter of an inch thick to slip between the base of the toilet and the floor to steady it. Thought of the cases to digital camera cards, but the cards don’t have cases any more. So I knelt down to pull out my supply of old camera cards in the fire-proof box under my bed, but when I slid the box out, it slid into the water i spilled fifteen minutes ago. Got a case, took the card out and slid the case under the base of my toilet. Sat down, it worked. Thought about getting paper towel to wipe up the water but the toilet paper was right there so I got a large rolled-up wad of toilet paper and wiped the floor and the underside of my fire-proof box. Then, since the triviality and the mundanity of these activities, and most of the rest of my life depressed me and my bed was right in front of me, I went back to bed for another hour and a half. Then I got up, went online and read an email response from an art director I’ve been sending my artwork to. I’ve been sending hundreds of samples of my work to him, in both email and snail mail, for eleven years and he’s never used it in his magazine. He wrote, “You’re artwork is getting better! Keep sending it!” Thought momentarily about telling him that he’s stringing me along and he should just tell me if he’s never going to use my work, but decided that if he really was stringing me along he’d just respond to my verbal confrontation by stringing me along some more, probably saying, “I’m really interested in this one piece but I can’t find your email, send it again blah blah blah” so I did nothing. Went into Boston to do an internet radio show on which I’m a semiregular. Can’t talk about most of what happened there, but I’ll say that last week they had water and no cups, so this time I brought cups in my backpack with me, but they already had cups now, but no water. When i used the toilet, somebody from a business down the hall was dumping some cloudy yellow-tan liquid into the toilet. Was worried it was poisonous and it would splash on me so I flushed the toilet three times before I used it. Went on the radio show. Took the trains home. On the second train, a woman of about 22 wouldn’t give me her seat when I obviously was very uncomfortable standing there jammed between two people with my heavy backpack. Wondered if it was rudeness or the fact that i looked younger than 52. Decide it was both. Finally I could inch my way to the back car and sit in one of the stairwells. Suddenly found myself at eye-level with a three-year-old girl. Her mother, who was holding her hand and had her kind of shielded in her overcoat, kind of wrenched her away from with a sudden movement and she fell back against her older brother. Went to eat lunch at a restaurant on Mass. Ave. Suddenly worried that the water I spilled got in the holes in the computer modem, which is near my night stand. Worried the whole time I ate my lunch, which kind of ruined it. Then I thought with anger about the art director who wouldn’t use my work but told me to keep sending it. Remember with relief that I was online after I spilled the water and it was working fine, but then the worry was replaced with anger over the art director. Finished eating. Something happened i can’t talk about. Played a song on the internet jukebox and just sat there listening to it. “Revolution Rock” by The Clash, not that it matters much. Took a train home. Found some acetate to cover a drawing with so if i found the energy and the motivation to go to Staples and get it scanned it wouldn’t get damaged. After I taped the acetate on I saw a film of water on the plastic! Remembered it was on a box near the floor when I spilled the water. Almost praying to myself, i ran my hand over the plastic. It was only on the side away from the drawing, thank God! Watched an episode of the medical comedy-drama “House” on DVD. The CGI effects made me feel bad about not being able to make a movie now, not that I’d be able to do CGI effects like that even if I could. Called 9 people and got only their voice mail messages. Too unmotivated and depressed to leave a message, and almost everyone doesn’t respond to them almost all the time. Sat in a chair, depressed. Lay in bed, depressed. Ate a tangerine. Wrote this blog.

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