Books and selected wordplay from D.L.:
ABOUT THE BOOK
“THE LETTER BANDITS create mischief wherever they go… From city to seaside the rascals manage to escape with any letter they desire, transforming people, animals, and objects as they go.
The unsuspecting DOVE becomes a DOE as a Letter Bandit runs off with the letter V, and the FAUNA IN THE SAUNA becomes FUN IN THE SUN as the letter A disappears.
Will this mischief go unchecked, or will the LETTER BANDITS meet their match?”
Reads the same backwards as forwards. All original, as far as I know.
Sir, I stab a bat’s iris.
Noami won a Toyota; now I moan.
Amoral anal aroma.
Fool a devil I did; I lived aloof.
Live for a war of evil.
Sex of deified foxes.
Tulsa departed; a cadet raped a slut.
Deep in a pan I peed.
All original, as far as I know.
TRY EEL SPERM
AN OLD-AGER RAN
I’M ON SALE
GROW A PENIS
MARIO VAN PEEBLES
A REMOVABLE PENIS
MY FAVORITE JOKES:
1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20 and 21 are original, as far as I know.
1. If the groups the Cars, the Doors and Styx formed a band, they’d be the Car Door Styx.
2. Q. Why do golfers wear two condoms?
A. In case they get a hole in one.
3. Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster with a telephone pole?
A. A twenty-foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.
4. The K.K.K. are a bunch of sheetheads.
5. Q. Why did the snowman unzip his fly?
A. The snowblower was coming.
6. Q. Is wetting your bed a sign of mental illness?
A. Yes. Psychosis starts with a silent P.
7. Q. Did you hear the joke about the jump rope and the vacuum cleaner?
A. Skip it. It sucks.
8. Q. What coffee do they serve in mental hospitals?
A. Chock Full O’ Nuts.
9. Van Gogh gave himself a lobotomy to get rid of an aural fixation.
10. Cocaine dealers can’t help putting their business in other people’s noses.
11. Q. What do you think about the current nuclear buildup in India?
A. Armageddon sick of it.
12. Q. Is diarrhea hereditary?
A. Yes, it runs in the jeans.
13. Q. Why did the man want a job making candles?
A. He only had to work on the wick-ends.
14. Q. What do you call a coffee shop with an orgy room in the back?
A. Sodom and Cremora.
15. Q. What did Vanna White do in the bathroom?
A. She took a P and had a vowel movement.
16. Q. Why do census takers have lousy sex lives?
A. They only come once every ten years.
17. Q. What do you call an orgy in a car?
A. Four-on-the-floor, a lube job, wall-to-wall car-petting and 69 on the highway.
18. Interviewer: What’s the biggest problem with the world, ignorance or apathy?
Man-on-the-street: I don’t know and I don’t care.
19. Q. What did the gay man say when he walked into the Chinese restaurant?
A. I want Cum of Sum Yung Gi.
20. Q. What actor has V.D.?
A. Ephram Syphilis Jr.
21. Q. What do former president Reagan and a cheap word processor have in common?
A. They have a semi-colon, but no memory.